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WickheadedWoman@comcast.net
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How To Tell A Joke
When Fifi Goes Bad
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Best Friends
Most Amazing Touchdown
PREGNANT AT 61
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Lee is 61 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said . . .
"Does she still have the hiccups?" A very tired nurse walks into a bank, rectal thermometer out of her purse
totally exhausted after an 16-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a
and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller,
and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....Some asshole's got my pen!
Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically.
Until Now.
Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely...See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is the Female.
It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.
The Wickheaded Woman
Welcome to the World of The Wickheaded Woman
Dis and Dat
So .... I Have Been Waiting And You Have Been Where?
HOW WEIRD IS THIS?
This year we will experience four unusual dates...
AND, check this out...
Take the last two digits of the year you were born
plus the age you will be this year, it will equal
111......
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."
Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:
|
Terrorist Plots Discovered |
0 |
|
Transvestites |
133 |
|
Hernias |
1,485 |
|
Hemorrhoid Cases |
3,172 |
|
Enlarged Prostates |
8,249 |
|
Breast Implants |
59,350 |
|
Natural Blondes |
3 |
I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in the most mountainous area of
She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.
Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window.
She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.
